I'll Find Myself When I'm Dead

S4E1 - Vanthony Bourdilmer

In our Season 4 premiere, we discuss what we've been up to since last season, a reader email, Big People Fashion, AI voice prints, and the recent Anthony Bourdain & Val Kilmer documentaries. Also: Elena does her best Christopher Walken impression, and we tackle the eternal question: is Val Kilmer a good actor?


Roadrunner: https://www.amazon.com/Roadrunner-Film-About-Anthony-Bourdain/dp/B09BB55XXX

The Vanity Fair article on Bourdain and Argento: https://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2021/07/anthony-bourdain-asia-argento-roadrunner

Helen Rosner's New Yorker piece: https://www.newyorker.com/culture/annals-of-gastronomy/the-ethics-of-a-deepfake-anthony-bourdain-voice

Val: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt14731254/

S3E10 - Nonfiction Theater

In our season 3 finale, we discuss documentary/nonfiction theater. Elena explains the subgenre, and David joins us to discuss “The Laramie Project,” a nonfiction play. Also: a stapler anthology update, a stapler anthology cocktail, some true crime talk, a theater-themed lightning round, our worst performances, and more! Thanks for listening, and we’ll see you next season.

“The Laramie Project,” full text: http://www.harringtonartsalliance.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/The-Laramie-Project-Script.pdf

S3E9 - Having and Being Hot

This week, we’re re-recording the lost episode from two weeks ago, about Eula Biss’ 2020 book Having and Being Had. We discuss its main topics—capitalism and class—as well as whether it’s a book-length essay and why or why not. Also: other books we’re reading, a creaky chair, the hottest day in Oregon history, how much money we’d cut our thumbs off for, and more!

Links: The upcoming (7/5) Essay Daily Salon with Justin and Jana Larson: http://www.essaydaily.org/p/the-essay-daily-salon-series.html 

Jana’s book, Reel Bay: https://coffeehousepress.org/products/reel-bay-a-cinematic-essay 

Stacey Swann’s novel, Olympus, TX: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/608671/olympus-texas-by-stacey-swann/ 

Ottessa Moshfegh, My Year of Rest & Relaxation: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/561517/my-year-of-rest-and-relaxation-by-ottessa-moshfegh/

S3E8 - Essays About Sex (w/Dave Madden)

This week, our special guest, longtime friend, and fellow nonfiction professor Dave Madden joins us to discuss two essays about fucking: Samuel Delaney’s “Ash Wednesday,” and Kristen Dombek’s “Letter from Williamsburg.” Also: Father’s Day presents, workshop models, a debate about sentences, Sizzler essays, and more!


Dave’s website: https://www.davemadden.org 

Dave’s web designer, Beth Sullivan: https://bethsullivan.com 

Samuel Delaney’s “Ash Wednesday”: http://bostonreview.net/arts-society/samuel-r-delany-ash-wednesday 

Kristin Dombek’s “Letter from Williamsburg” (subscription required for full essay): https://www.theparisreview.org/letters-essays/6236/letter-from-williamsburg-kristin-dombek 

The audio version of “Letter from Williamsburg”: https://www.theparisreview.org/blog/2013/07/26/kristin-dombeks-letter-from-williamsburg/

S3E7 - IFMWID Rewind: I'm Your Huckleberry

Our episode for this week failed to record (thanks, Zoom!), so we're going back to the archives. More than a year ago, back when the pandemic was still young, we recorded an episode about Val Kilmer's memoir I'm Your Huckleberry. It has the fewest downloads of any of our episodes, for some mysterious reason, so we decided to dig it out and re-post it to hold you over until we can get our shit together and finish Season 3. Also: other parts of the Kilmer corpus, including his poetry, art, and music; the movie Tombstone and related trivia; David's Old Western cocktail; Frank Stallone; fake memoirs; and much, much more.

S3E6 - One Long Episode About Thirty Two Short Films About Glenn Gould

This week, we discuss the 1993 Canadian/French Canadian film “Thirty Two Short Films About Glenn Gould,” which we think is essayistic in many ways. Also: breath mints found in orifices, the thesis circle of life, writing too-long essays, apocalyptic media, Hamlet 2, “Canadian stakes,” lyric vs. narrative, accessibility, Graham Gano, and more!

Links: The full movie on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iv7nPiZHKy4 

Gould’s radio documentary “The Idea of North”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szgnGV4hOKU 

Justin’s essay from Territory: http://themapisnot.com/issue-iii-justin-st-germain

S3E5 - Interviews with Essayists

In this week's episode, we discuss two "The Art of ..." interviews from the Paris Review: one on the essay with Hilton Als, and another with Geoff Dyer about nonfiction in general. Also: our mutual love of Mrs. Dalloway, Elena’s study abroad experience, our rocky resumption of vaccinated socializing, Val Kilmer has a documentary, a couple of weird bird stories, one sad cat story, a lightning round about celebrities, lots of interviewing talk, and more!


“The Art of the Essay” with Hilton Als (subscription required): https://www.theparisreview.org/interviews/7178/the-art-of-the-essay-no-3-hilton-als

“The Art of Nonfiction” with Geoff Dyer (same): https://www.theparisreview.org/interviews/6282/the-art-of-nonfiction-no-6-geoff-dyer

S3E4 - Old Person Essays

In this week's episode, we're talking about our generations. After Justin's mini-generation was dubbed Geriatric Millennials, we decided to read two examples from Donald Hall's book Essays After Eighty. Also: a Uhaul story, teaching 9/11 essays to Gen Z, a little baseball talk about the "yips," times we biffed it in public, an old-themed lightning round, and lots & lots of old-person complaining about the kids these days.

Essays After Eighty: https://bookshop.org/books/essays-after-eighty/9780544570313 

“Out the Window” isn’t available in full online, but here’s a brief excerpt from the New Yorker: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2012/01/23/out-the-window 

“Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr.” (account required): https://www.narrativemagazine.com/issues/stories-week-2014-2015/story-week/dr-dr-dr-dr-dr-dr-dr-dr-dr-dr-donald-hall A Fresh Air interview with Hall about “Out the Window”: https://freshairarchive.org/segments/donald-hall-poets-view-out-window 

Rick Ankiel getting the yips: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDZX525CSvw

S3E3 - Texas Review All-Essay Issue

This week, we discuss the Texas Review's All-Essay Issue from late 2020, including two specific essays by Wendy C. Ortiz and Vincent James. Also: a virgin fake-gin cocktail, Godzilla vs. Kong, terrible jobs we've had, times we've gotten fired, an alarming amount of Will Smith content, and more!


Texas Review All-Essay Issue: http://www.thetexasreview.org/issues/

Seedlip non-alcoholic gin: https://www.seedlipdrinks.com/en-us/shop/?gclid=CjwKCAjwqIiFBhAHEiwANg9szlLXeKgBYIgMBhVevVOy1k5ZvO7TBpKnn4q-54ihA48uesXAxa7L5hoCMlYQAvD_BwE

Godzilla vs. Kong: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5034838/

Will Smith's 5-minute story on becoming the Fresh Prince: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_WoOYybCro

S3E2 - Didion on Writing

In this week’s episode, we discuss a new(ish) collection of Joan Didion’s previously uncollected essays, including a few about writing, two of which we picked to focus on. Also: Elena’s cat mishap, large-text editions, why we were all born in the wrong era for making money off of writing, a Didion-themed lightning round, and more!

Links to some things we mention:

Didion’s new book, Let Me Tell You What I Mean: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.ca/books/666038/let-me-tell-you-what-i-mean-by-joan-didion/9780593318485 Didion’s “Why I Write”: https://lithub.com/joan-didion-why-i-write/ 

We couldn’t find a free full online version of “Telling Stories,” but here’s an article with excerpts: https://www.brainpickings.org/2014/02/19/joan-didion-telling-stories/ 

Tracy Daugherty’s Didion biography: https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250105943 

The audio galley of Justin’s new book (password: Capote): https://oregonstateuniversity-my.sharepoint.com/:u:/g/personal/stgermaj_oregonstate_edu/Eaet3zFf23lMvWKhwIGjUbgBYrPpC1gPKoYCc-M48GoPeA